As a youngster I was taught the basics of child safety. My mother opted to leave us alone to work and do other things, so it was necessary for us to know how to fend for ourselves and what steps to take to protect ourselves should any dangerous situation arise. We were taught to never answer the door when we were home alone, or the phone. If we did, by accident, pick up the phone we were trained to take a message and say that our mother was simply busy at the moment and would call back.
We walked to and from school on our own as well. Rides were a luxury, so my brother and I were forced to brave the elements as well as any of the dangers of society. We were well-trained though, and my dreams of being a crime-fighter enabled me to be even that much more aware of my surroundings and more knowledgeable in how to stay safe. We didn’t speak to strangers, we kept to ourselves and made sure to stay on the only path we knew. Well lit, with lots of passing vehicles and what I always enjoyed pointing out, witnesses. At times we did veer off, but we were kids, you couldn’t expect us to be perfect.
We were so well prepared that when one, seemingly dangerous, situation popped up we knew what to do. My brother and I were walking home from school as I recall. We were not much older than maybe 7 or 8 years old. We knew that the neighborhood that we were walking through wasn’t really nice, as we always tended to live in the ghetto, and were always ready for anything. We’d had no trouble though so far, and didn’t expect this day to be any different. But it would turn out to be. As we were walking home, we passed under a bridge, a set of old train tracks that hovered over a somewhat busy two-way street to and from school. There was a walkway along the side of the street, that passed under the bridge. We went under with no problems and came out on the other side in plain view of all passing cars and people. What we didn’t know, was that there was a man walking behind us. Usually we were really aware and rarely ever saw anyone on that sidewalk, so in the back of my mind I wondered how we could have missed the sound of his footsteps because he was quite close to us. At first, we didn’t panic. Plenty of people walk along the sidewalk. There was no need to panic. He hadn’t done anything to make us feel uncomfortable, or scared. We were just on full alert. A natural response after being taught “stranger danger” all our lives.
So we continued walking. Perhaps a little faster now, knowing someone was behind us. It always seemed smarter to keep as much distance between ourselves and strangers as possible. So we did. But then we noticed he walked faster too. A little too fast. We stepped up our pace as well. Ever so often looking over our shoulders to make sure he was still a good distance behind. But then, without notice, he began to run. Full speed, sprint. And as soon as we realized this we took off as fast as our little feet could carry us. I think it was mid-fall or winter because I remember having heavy coats along with our backpacks. Stuff that would normally hinder us. But once that adrenaline started rushing through us, we ran with everything as if we were as light as air.
We knew our school route well. There was the bridge, the sidewalk, a block of houses, then some more sidewalk, a house nearly hidden in the woods and then a single store. A small convenience store that sat in between another set of train tracks and the house in the woods. It was our sanctuary at that moment. And when we realized that the man behind us was slowing down no time soon, we bolted for the inside of the store. We rushed in clumsily with our backpacks, and vastly out of breath. But we knew we were safe. And we were just so happy about that.
We waited to see if the man would pass by. Surely he would because he was running full speed. So where was he?????
Well, he was running alright. But not running after us. He was running instead, to reach the bus stop. There was one located near the store that we hadn’t known about.
We felt like goofs, and still laugh about that to this day. But in all reality, both our mother’s need to prepare us for the worst, as well as our common sense displayed prominently that day in our managing to escape a strange man whom we thought was running after us. Perhaps it was impolite to assume that some man we didn’t know was a savage child molester or murderer, but it’s better to be protected than polite.
Now here I am, in the year 2011, with my own young children, wondering what it is that I should teach them. My mother had us trained exceptionally well, and my need to watch all crime/rescue shows added that extra level of back up, but my children are not my younger brother and I. I will never leave them alone to work or party, I’ll never let them walk alone to and from school, and I won’t teach them stranger danger because I’ve learned through life experiences and constant news reports that my children are more likely to be harmed by someone they know, respect, or that’s in a position of trust or authority.
So to help many new parents out there, who only know the basics of child safety such as sunscreen and outlet covers, I’ve compiled a list of tips to help. Tips that can be applied both to the coming school year, and life in general.
Tip #1:
The Buddy System. It is a tried and true method of protecting your child. My brother and I had each other, and is perhaps why my mother thought it was ok to walk ourselves to/ from school. Perhaps she was right, I mean my brother and I are both still alive and well and we passed each school year without incident. So if your child absolutely has to walk anywhere, because let’s face it, sometimes it’s difficult to be everywhere at once, make sure they have a friend with them. Teach them that they are not allowed to walk off anywhere by themselves, or without your permission.
Tip #2:
Know what route your children will be taking to/from school. I don’t recall my mom ever doing with us, otherwise she may have wanted to make arrangements for us to ride the bus. So make sure you know the safest route and learn it well, along with your children. Teach them to stay in well-lit and populated areas at all times. No taking shortcuts of any kind. As well as to avoid any shady places, such as dark alleys, or vacant lots, or abandoned properties, no matter how much quicker cutting through it would make the trip home.
Tip #3:
This tip refers to strangers. Sure “stranger danger” seems like a logical principle to instill in your child to keep them safe. But how are they to know or able to distinguish between a harmful stranger and just an innocent passerby saying hi to them? Well in order to avoid any mix-ups, instead teach your child to identify how they feel when someone approaches them instead. And then teach them how to react to it. Let them know that if someone makes them feel, upset, sad, scared, or hurts them, they should tell someone right away. Help them understand that they are not tattle tales if they tell a grown-up about something that someone else did. And that it is their right to feel safe and our duty as parents and adults to make sure they do and are. Also, don’t forget to remind them to never accept money, or gifts from anyone unless they have your permission. You may not have to really teach them this once they get older, because I don’t care what age you are, but a complete stranger offering you something always seems to put you on edge.
Tip #4:
Make sure your child is well-informed of emergency contacts. When you register for school, there is a list of contacts that must be filled out to keep on hand. But I think it’s also a good idea to teach the same list to your children, plus a couple extra.Let them know who they can and cannot leave with, which is sometimes an issue during custody battles and parents with joint custody, one of which usually has primary custody. Most kids only know their own phone number and address by heart. Or to otherwise dial 911 in a dangerous situation. I’m sure it would seem like a lot of information for them to learn, but if they can memorize the words to 24 Spongebob episodes, or the codes to Call of Duty games, I’m sure they’re more than capable. Try to make it a little fun and easier to memorize by making it sing-song-y. That always worked for me.
Tip #5:
As fashions and fads have evolved I’ve noticed that business is booming for companies that hand-make items, hand-embroider them and can customize them in various ways. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’ve noticed that nowadays, most parents get children backpacks and lunch bags with their names clearly visible on them. You would never think that putting your child’s name on their backpack could be a danger, but it’s possible. If their name is visible from a distance, anyone could call out to them. At this point, it would then be harder for them to decide if this stranger who, knows their name, is dangerous. I’m not saying that you should get rid of everything containing your child’s name on it. I’m suggesting you tell them to leave it at home. Yes, you can get their name embroidered on their items, but make sure it’s not visible or just put their initials. Otherwise your child might be put into a precarious situation in which the next tip would come into play.
Tip #6:
Safety word. I watched an episode of AMW once that taught me that as a family, we should have a safety word. Something that only our family knew, and that if my mother wasn’t able to pick us up, she could tell the person she would send to pick us up. I thought this was a genius idea. Luckily we never had to use it, but if the need arises, it would be an effective yet simple step towards further protecting your child. Keep it simple, but not too simple. You wouldn’t want it to be easily guessed. Maybe a favorite wild animal, or favorite subject in school. Maybe a favorite fruit or flavor of bubblegum. Something that could be easily remembered, but not easily thought of by a stranger. Be sure to let your kids know that it only stays between you and family members. No one else is to know, or it pretty much defeats the whole purpose. This is a small but more reassuring guarantee that your child will not go off with someone you or they don’t know.
Tip #7:
If your child should become lost or injured, it is also important to keep a list of contacts on them just in case. Sometimes in traumatic situations, it’s hard for adults to remember important information, let alone children. So always make sure they keep a contact card somewhere hidden out of plain sight on them. Be sure to list all essential numbers, your home number, work, and cell phone. As well as your address and other numbers you deem necessary.
Tip #8:
This is a scary tip. Something that I’m sure most parents hope never has to come into play, but I think it’s the most important tip. If for some godforsaken chance, someone is able to take your child teach them to resist AT ALL COSTS! To kick, scratch, bite, hit and most importantly scream at the top of their lungs: “Help! This person is not my mom/dad/guardian!”. Sure it seems to be a lot for a kid to scream, but just yelling “Help!” alone won’t do the trick.
One example of yelling and screaming “Help!” alone is Kitty Genovese. Stabbed to death in her neighborhood, she yelled over and over for help, but no one came to her aid. Her screams, unrecognized as screams of someone in danger, went unanswered and ultimately led to her death. She wasn’t a child, but it’s an example of how people can’t determine between the screams of someone horsing around, or someone in desperate need of help.
Another add-on to this tip is to teach your children to scream “Fire!” if someone should try to take them. This will garner a bigger response from people around. Both because people would be more likely call 911, and also because people would look to see if the fire is anywhere near them, or if it’s their property or car on fire.
Now this isn’t every tip known to man in keeping your child safe, but it’s a set of tips that are essential, in my opinion. They’re 8 safety nets that you can rely on in order for your child to be a little safer, better prepared but will hopefully never have to use.
