A good friend of mine pointed out a saying of mine today that I’ve never really thought much on till now. It’s what I say when a situation is F*ed up (sorry, no better description)– and commonly when The Man has stuck it to us or a contemptuous person has upset the natural flight pattern of a close friend and especially if the situation is ongoing and hopeless. I say, sarcastically, “Oh well.” I say it in a funny way to make the person laugh… like the last thing you really feel is “Oh well” but it is actually kind of obvious he or she or we are f*ed, i.e. screwed. It’s a throw your arms up in the air surrender, “We’re f*ed.” It’s a “There’s nothing that can be done or said to remedy this so screw it.” It’s a “This sucks so ‘oh well.’” It’s weird because it sounds on description like a flippant response but I say it with a wink, if you know what I mean– in a conspiratorial way, a “we’re in this together” sort of way. And my friend actually told me that this response is actually very satisfying and it’s slipped into her vocabulary as well.
I guess the next time I say it… I’m going to be really aware of it now though. I’ll be like, Oh well… hey I said it!”
It’s weird how I am someone who picks up on little phrases… all my life. It is like I go through little phases of saying something that becomes a typical catch phrase of mine and I do it really unconsciously until one my friends points it out to me. (phases of phrases) A lot of times whatever I’m saying, my friends will start saying that weird thing too. Like I heard someone in a movie say something in an interesting way so it started repeating in my head until I just start saying it all the time and I don’t even know why I do it.
I know the origins of the “oh well” though and it is not from a movie. My mom says it! She uses it the same way I do but she’s like… more angry about it. She gets ENRAGED by injustice. I cannot emphasize this quality in her enough. We actually have to be careful what we tell my mom. If she finds out something has happened to us because, it’s like watch out. She’ll be like, “WHAT??? NO WAY? THEY DID THAT TO YOU!!? WELL WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!” Then we’ll be like, “No Mom, really. I went there and they said that was just the way the system works and there is nothing that can be done.” And then she’s like, “You mean to tell me that my little girl is made to suffer this way and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it?” “Yes.” “Are you serious?” “Yes.” Then she gets a hard, calloused yet agonized look in her eye, and out comes the dramatically sarcastic, “Oh well.” Sometimes she’ll throw in a “I guess.” “Well, oh well, I guess.” Which means she doesn’t want to stop bemoaning the situation but we must.
It’s cool though that someone is so thoroughly on your side. And I think I inherited a slightly diluted but still sincere version of that loyalty (and defeated response to the injustices of the world).
However, she also uses the “Oh well” as a weapon which I never do. If she’s mad at you for not complying with a request of hers and she’s sort of made her argument over and over again and you are still not willing to do it. She kind of throws a passive-aggressive “Oh well” out there. But I have found that once you have thoroughly squashed all her hopes (it’s like peeling off a band-aid, do it fast and with out hesitation)… and she has made it to the “Oh well” stage, she is pretty much ready to move on and be normal again. She may throw in one last plea at the end of the conversation (after you talked about the cat, the weather, the second-coming, and everything else)– she’ll make one last half-hearted attempt, “Are you sure you don’t want to drop everything and do that thing I want us to do right now, Mandy?” “No, mom.” “Okay.” “Okay, I love ya bye-bye.”
But you see, I don’t use the “Oh wells” in this manner. I don’t invest myself in an outcome that is dependent on the involvement, help, or participation of others– when I suggest things I am equally okay with a “no” or a “yes” so I would never “oh well” someone in that way. Sure, at the time of the request I figure “Hey I’ll give it all I got and use all of my powers of persuasion that I can possibly muster” and am all charming but… I understand that people have other plans and I more than likely have already begun building a plan B for myself– a plan B that is equally acceptable. And self-reliance, dude. It’s cool when people contribute– in fact I am super DUPER appreciative… but I like to assume ahead of time that no one will help me– then I don’t get disappointed, one. And two, I am always prepared. I’m never like, “Oh crap this is falling apart because it depended on us all pulling together.” I figured from the beginning that I may end up doing it all myself, and I am fine with that.
Though there are always times in your life that one does truly need help, I suppose. And I am someone that has trouble asking for help when I need it. If self reliance is my strength, then that is my flaw. Though, as a consequence, the times when I have gotten “a little help from my friends” really stick out in my mind– I’m on my own plane, assuming I have to do it all myself, and then this arm sticks out to help. It feels really good.
Well, it’s funny when I’m on the treadmill next to someone and they tell me something seemingly insignificant about myself… and it makes me think a lot. It’s like woah.
